Open your mind

For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.

No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:

“You know! Boys will be boys!” 

“He’s just going through a phase!”

“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”

“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”

“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”

I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”

She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.

It was so tempting.

He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.

She had to keep her building safe.

Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.

His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.

Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.

I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”

Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning.  How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?

There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.

There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.

Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”

The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement.

(Source: saltandsugarsearching, via ladiosadelaluna)

sexxxisbeautiful: owlmylove:

When I was 10, I saw

my first episode of Law & Order, SVU

a woman screamed

and her pretty pink dress ripped

the scene cut to black but then

she sat in a station

hair mussed and mascara running

and she seemed broken

and empty

and that’s when I began to prepare

for the inevitable.

When I was 12, my sister got

hit on by a boy

he looked at her funny

and I couldn’t forget

how his eyes tracked

her pink t-shirt

around the room

he reminded me of the predators

that I saw on nature documentaries

and for the first time, my strong sister

seemed like the prey.

When I was 13, my auntie bought me

a pretty pink can of pepper spray

she told me if my daddy comes at me

or any other boy

I spray hard and fast

kick them in the balls

and then run run run

as fast as I can.

I flicked the safety switch

on-off, on-off

and clipped the can

to my purse.

When I was 14, I went to a sleepover

and met a boy named Jake

Jake was 18 and had tattoos

he smelled funny and his eyes

didn’t leave me all night.

He waited for me in the dark

outside of the bathroom

and I sprinted fast fast fast

and hid under a blanket.

Clutching my pretty pink can

and flicking the safety

on-off, on-off.

(I didn’t sleep that night)

When I turned 15, my mom took me

to buy some new bras.

I had to go up a cup

and I stared at the pretty pink tags

and told her that I knew

Knew that some day

that cup size

was going to get me in trouble.

She looked sad when she said

that it wouldn’t be the cup

but the men who’d take my body as an invitation.

(I didn’t see the difference)

No one ever talks

about the pretty pink can

on my purse.

No one ever mentions it

or asks about it

And I never get pulled aside in stores.

People’s eyes flick over it

dismiss it.

But what I want to know is;

How is it okay

for a kid like me

to have a weapon?

I’ll tell you how.

It’s because I’m a girl.

We’re trained since we hit puberty

for a war that no one wants to talk about

trained for horrible things

that people claim never happen

Or worse- “They happen for a reason”

we are told to be careful

we are told not to take walks after it’s dark

we are told to fight back to be compliant to yell and to stay silent

but nothing you tell us

ever works.

I don’t know how old I’ll be

when all of that advice

will be needed.

I don’t know how old I’ll be

when I’ll take a shower

and see blood mixing with white

running down the inside of my legs

swirling into a pretty pink cream

while I try to un-break myself.

I don’t when it’ll happen,

But I know that it will.

tomorrow or years from now-

and I’m scared.

But hey!

At least we girls look pretty in pink.

im-a-kittycat:

“So my amazing daughter, Emma, turned 5 last month, and I had been searching everywhere for new-creative inspiration for her 5yr pictures. I noticed quite a pattern of so many young girls dressing up as beautiful Disney Princesses, no matter where I looked 95% of the “ideas” were the “How to’s” of  how to dress your little girl like a Disney Princess…We chose 5 women (five amazing and strong women), as it was her 5th birthday but there are thousands of unbelievable women (and girls) who have beat the odds and fought (and still fight) for their equal rights all over the world”

 - Jaime Moore, Not Just a Girl

(via lipstick-feminists)

L.R.Knost (via housewitch)

(Source: hopefullyraw, via lostgrrrls)

strugglingtobeheard: searchingforknowledge: eb-o-ny: nanaefua-photography:

(via rareandradiantmaiden)

alexandraelle:

Taken by ALEX ELLE. Do not remove tag link when reblogging, please :o)

Captured in the moment.

(via rareandradiantmaiden)

the-penitentiary-philosophy:

*…………..*’

(Source: beyoncexknowles)

(Source: acompletelife, via igniteafirewithin)

mollygolly:

Via The Daybook Blog

(via theweeones)

souls-of-my-shoes:

Happy children in Segou, Mali (by marsoyann)

(via sqweak)

cinnamonmachine:

oin!

(Source: mattcaplin, via feministacansada)

thiscuntsays:

shut up ovaries shut up!

(Source: sapfira23, via koryminx)